Insanity

Albert Einstein is said to have said.."insanity is making the same mistakes over and over and expecting a different outcome...".
I must be insane. Or in denial. Or have lofty selfish goals where I get everything AND everyone I am supposed to be suporting gets everything They want. The world is super geared to my wants and everyone's needs as well. Selfish because I don't really care about society and even family. And with this attitude, I m just gonna keep acting insted of being, because BEing is responsible and that's not fun or self serving. There is nothing to look foward to. Although I am eventually going to die, I ll keep dreaming insted of seeing. What I will keep my eyes open for is an opportunity to take advantage for purely selfish reasons and personal sensory experiences.
Why does life have to only be one habituated living way, where sometimes I trick my self to think I ve learned and overcame obstacles and changed my inner self only to find that I m still thinking and acting the same.
Is this insanity or is this an excercise in self awareness/affirmation/masterbation?